Currently, I am reading Having a Mary Spirit...allowing God to change me from the inside out. And boy, do I need changing. I am such a Martha. Always making a list and marking off the things I've accomplished. I'm so obsessed with my list that if I do something that wasn't on my list, I'll add it just so I can mark it off. Isn't that sad?
I'm trying to be a Mary, I really am. I'm sure that the author of this book and bible study wrote this book with me in mind.
It breaks my heart when I stand in the realization of how often I break my Lord's heart.
This book is meant to show me how to give God access to the deep, hidden corner of my heart. Those dark, sin-ridden parts of my lower nature that continually causes me to stumble when I so desperately want to walk in the light. Those secret, not-so-silent kingdoms Christ came to conquer as well as redeem. God delights in a heart that welcomes His work rather than resents it. A willing, teachable spirit is all He's looking for. A life so surrendered to Him, that He can do His work unhindered.
I don't want to hinder His work. I daily need to set aside my pious self, full of pride, so that He can do the work He needs to do in me.
My deepest fear is waking up twenty years from now still the same woman I am today. With the same annoying habits and petty attitudes; with the same besetting sins and false beliefs. I can't imagine anything more terrible than getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had so much more in mind for me - more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true effectiveness. And I missed it all, simply because I refused to change.
What I need to learn more than anything is that it's me who needs changing...not my husband, not my kids, not my friends, just ME!
I am so thankful today that God NEVER gives up on me.
Philippians 3:12-14: "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus".
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5 comments:
Kim,
First of all, I LOVE the pictures of your sweetest kids from the weekend.
Secondly, I LOVE your heart and the way you strive to grow deeper in your realtionship with our sweet Jesus.
You are an awesome woman of God and I'm grateful to be your friend.
Zoe
Kim, thanks for your post. I, too, am a Martha. How I wish I could sit at the feet of Jesus and just be still and get to know him more. Thanks for sharing your heart.
From one Martha to another...
I've surrendered my list. It comes out occasionally, but for me, my list keeps me from my time with Him. I can always find things that need to be done, or that I want to do, or things OTHERS want me to do. When I see my list laying there I actually feel guilty for stopping and sitting down to spend time with the Lord. (Warped, I know.)
Maybe the FIRST thing on our list should say: "SIT AT HIS FEET until you see it's more important than anything else on this list."
Love you friend!
Ah, do Your work, Lord. He sits as a smelter and purifier of silver...that they may present to the Lord offerings in righteousness. Have your way in me, Lord.
We have more in common than I realized. Thanks for sharing your heart and challenging me. I miss you, Girl.
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